I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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