great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
