3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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