some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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