If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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