never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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