I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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