hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
