My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
