I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
