My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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