I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
