Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
