I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
