it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My vagina is officially offended.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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