ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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