he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
