Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
