We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
