i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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