epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
