Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
