he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
