do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
