Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
