I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
