Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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