um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
