Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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