I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
