At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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