Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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