I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
