Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
