i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
