I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
