i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
