Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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