I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
