just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
