let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
