i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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