just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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