So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
