What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
