Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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