i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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