So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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