she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
