This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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