It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh god it's open bar.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
