Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
