I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
