some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
