He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
