what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
