I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
