You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
