the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
