worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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