Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can't special order awesome
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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