im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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