I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
