dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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