I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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