Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
