I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
