why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
