im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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