i just wanna soil my oats bro
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
