His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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