Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
did i just pee glitter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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