so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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