hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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