get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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