yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
