he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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