Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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