woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
