brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
