Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
