The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
