Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
