um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
