Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize