You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
bring money and cleavage
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize