My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
