Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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